the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
