Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
