I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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