I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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