Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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