This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
