I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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