If i come over, it means nothing
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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