You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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