Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
