and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
