I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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