I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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