I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
