Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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