I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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