I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
