I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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