Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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