i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
