awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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