then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
