You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
