hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
