when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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