So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
