how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
