ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
cat food counts as protein by the way
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
