one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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