We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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