bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
