I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
