I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
