Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
