i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
