Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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