you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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