I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
