Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
