mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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