I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
