I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
