I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
