I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
