Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
