Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
