i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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