The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
