Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
