does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize