It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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