it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize