Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you had me at cake vodka
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
