People with herpes should wear stickers.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sick fucks of a feather flock together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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