after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
