My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
