The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize