Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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