Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
