k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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