When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
