I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
