THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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